Ryuichi
by emii sakano
Summary: What happened to make him tired of Nittle Grasper,and why did hecome back?
1. Prelude

**Ryuichi**

_Pure energy, pure grace, an embodiment of the music._

He was amazing tonight.

_Sing to the crowd, feed them your soul, let the high crash over you in waves. Feel the perfection of yourself, and Tohma, and Noriko melding infinitely in your voice. Sell it._

They were amazing tonight.

_Never let it end. Encase them in your weave; drag them into your hell._

Even more so than any other night.

_Arch to the music, let them feel it. Put everything that you are, everything that he is, everything that she gives, in._

No one will understand.

_Recycle your pain into their high. Let the beat encase your soul. Intoxicate them with everything that you've become- let the bitterness give it its unique flavour. This will be your best performance._

The last note faded, the cheers from the audience almost eclipsing it. Ryuichi took the mike, the serious expression on his face. He held up a hand for silence, and the crowd obeyed.

"Thank you," He said, eyes closing into a bright smile. "For coming to Nittle Grasper's final concert."

Then he turned and walked off the stage. He didn't look at Noriko as he walked off, didn't turn to face him.

He'd disbanded Nittle Grasper.

_And be ready to lose whatever you hadn't lost already._

The next day when Tohma banged on Ryuichi's door to demand an explanation, the singer would already be gone.


	2. Chapitre Une

* * *

**Ryuichi**

He had separated from himself when he left Japan. Slipping ubiquitously into the American music industry, he didn't sing; he hid from the world. God how they all wished he would, everyone knew that he could easily create a musical revolution in America, akin to that which _Nittle Grasper_ had created in Japan.

But everytime he was approached, he'd smile, and answer simply.

"No."

So he remained in the background, a high-payed lyricist who no one could find. Songs of anger, depression, love, broken hearts, and betrayal poured from him, slowly suffusing the American culture in the forbidden sins. The darkness he offered was far too tempting for the happiness of Pop-culture to ignore.

He was exclusive, and reclusive, though. After he'd set himself up, he sequestered himself in an undisclosed location in the Los Angeles area, catering to a selective group that was as close as family in many ways.

Even then only one person knew where he lived, and that one person dutifully forwarded his mail to his true residence, even as his "double" took care of business appearances. Even K didn't know where Ryuichi spent his nights these days. Very few people knew the true face of Ryuichi Sakuma, but those few people would never forget him, as he'd carved permanent residence into their hearts.

So when Alicia Montgomery saw the letter from Japan, her heart clenched, and her fingers tightened around the envelope, and when she knocked on the door of the penthouse condominium at Bunker Hill Towers, her face was grave when she offered it to him. The smile he'd greeted her with slowly slipped away when he saw the letter, handwriting still painfully familiar despite the passage of the years. Turning away from her, he walked into the condominium, leaving the door open for her as he collapsed in a bitter heap upon the couch.

"It's been three years," Ryuichi remarked with a bitter laugh, covering his eyes with a hand. "What does he want from me?"

Alicia walked in with no hesitation, leaving the door open-Ryuichi had secured the entire floor for himself, there was little to worry about-as she slipped onto the couch next to him. Taking him into her arms, she ran her fingers through his hair soothingly as he clung to her. When he'd stopped shuddering-she was amazed that Ryuichi had shed no tears-she kissed the top of his head and offered him the letter, creased from her own mishandling, with a few words of her own.

"You can't keep running, Roo." A strangled chuckle slipped from his lips at the nickname. "Else you'll be miserable forever."

She slowly peeled him off of her, then stood up, making her way to the kitchen, and leaving a few parting words behind her.

"He called Crawford today, small talk, if either of them can really be believed."

When she comes out from the kitchen-half an hour later, and armed with freshly baked cookies, tea, and all sorts of extra-sugary treats-he's not on the couch anymore. He's outside the window, sitting on the ledge and looking out at the Los Angeles Nightscape. Leaning out of the window, she offers him the plate of cookies and a cup of tea that will probably taste more like sugared cream than tea. She's not in the least fazed by his odd tendencies-to Ryuichi it doesn't matter, two feet high, thirty or so stories up, it's all the same to him-and doesn't waste energy on worry. Instead, she leans her arms on the open window, hands supporting her own cup of tea as she tries to see what he sees.

Does he see the almost yellow glow of the courtyard below? The illuminated pool, the apartment complexes, the Arco building? Does he see the shining red-granite of the Wells Fargo towers, their color not dampened by the night because of the gentle touch of the numerous street lights and the offices of late night workers?

_Probably not,_ She thinks, bemused. Ryuichi is his own man, and what he sees is never the material surface.

"I don't know how to go back," He says into the silence, quietly.

"Is he asking you to?" She asks, lifting the cup to her lips and hoping against any and all things dear that Tohma isn't. Ryuichi wouldn't be able to say no again, and returning to Japan against his will would break him.

"No." There's another lengthy pause as he absentmindedly brings one of her cookies to his lips. For a moment, all they can hear is his chewing. "But he sounds lonely, something about a new band.."

He turned his head to smile brightly at her, the sight almost stopping her heart.

"He misses Nittle Grasper."

That was all he said, and all he'd need to say.

She wanted to yell at him, to tell him that he couldn't decide that just from reading _words_ on a piece of paper, but she held herself in check. Besides, saying that would be a lie. Ryuichi was the closest to a true empath that she could think of and, ninety-nine percent of the time, if he believed that someone was feeling a certain way, it was true.

Besides, she had had the priviledge of seeing how especially observant the ex-singer was around Tohma. True, she'd only met the blond Seguchi once in her life, but that had been with Ryuichi, and even after only a year, she was one of the very few to know the true face behind both genius and madness.

Alicia's attention became focused on him as he stretched languidly then passed her the empty cup on the empty plate. Standing up and stretching, he clambered back in through the window as she went to the kitchen to place their cups, and the cookie-crumb scattered plate, into the sink. Her voice was quiet when she walked to the door, slipping on her shoes with minimal effort.

"I'll arrange for the tickets," Her hand went on the door knob. "Two one-way tickets for Tokyo, huh."

He beamed at her and gave her an impulsive hug.

"Thanks 'Lisha."

She sighed good naturedly and slipped out the door, the image of her friend's false smile burned into her mind.

Later that night, as she kissed her children good night and let her husband wrap his arms around her, she heart ached as she remembered what he'd told her so long ago.

_"Everyone's smile is false on some level. It's just their way of keeping themselves from hysterical tears. Only one person can make you smile widely, truly, with all your being... It's not your soul-mate, no matter what those trashy romance novelists say, but it's the one person who you first love with all your being, whom you wish to believe loves-loved-you the same way._

_"Usually," Hints of a bitter smile. "It's the first person to sweep you completely off your feet."_


	3. Chapitre Deux

"Yo." He smiled and raised his hand in greeting. "What's up, Kei?"

Ryuichi did o't even blink when the gun was pointed at him, armed and primed for firing. Instead, he slipped his hand back into his pocket and leaned back, raising an eyebrow at the blond as K smiled widely at him. Disarming the gun and re-stowing it, Ryuichi's manager took something from his coat pocket and tossed it at the shorter man.

"The wife and kid say 'Hi.'"

Catching the object out of reflex, Ryuichi blinked when he saw the worn bunny in his hand. Stroking the worn pink cloth, he could not help but marvel at its surprisingly good condition. Disbelief and resignation warred in almost overwhelming quantities in the singer's frame before something seemed to settle his mind. Ryuichi looked up at K, a tired smile on his face.

"I guess I don't have to ask if Tohma called you, then."

K bit back a wince; though Ryuichi had been far from accusing in his tone and body language-merely stating a fact-K could still feel the implied betrayal. It hadn't been a long enough separation for the two to be back on good footing. True, in all appearances, K was still Ryuichi's manager, though the truth was far from that. K had only learned of Ryuichi's intricacies and frightfully calculating nature when he'd tried to control Ryuichi's career start in the United States. Untrusting of K-for both of them knew that the blond gunman was more Tohma's man that Ryuichi's himself-Ryuichi had all but shoved the blond to the background, learning English and establishing himself in a frighteningly short amount of time.

The rift between them was too wide, for they'd been something akin to 'close' once.

"I'm surprised that Michael didn't tear Kuma-kun apart," Ryuichi continued blithely. Tone amused and eyes unreasonable, Ryuichi flashed K a stage smile. "But I suppose it isn't much of a surprise, considering how fastidious your child is."

K didn't even bother hiding how deep Ryuichi's jibe cut. With a shrug, Ryuichi placed a ticket envelope on K's desk then moved soundlessly to the door. The ex-secret services man followed Ryuichi's unconsciously fluid and dangerously graceful movement, eyes narrowing when he saw a dark, and yet absentminded, tone to Ryuichi's eyes. Old suspicions came back to light as half memories and new questions resurfaced in the gunman's mind.

"Ryuichi," The singer paused at the door, tilting his head questioningly as he looked back at the older man. "Who formed Nittle Grasper, and why? You were all successful enough before."

Something in the air around them changed, as Ryuichi suddenly became completely unreadable.

"I already called Judy," Ryuichi said after a moment of the uncomfortable silence. "She has your bags packed-I'll see you at the airport."

The click was almost ominous when the door swung shut.

Then again, both of them had expected it to be.

_**Fifteen Years Past**_

_The teen grinned widely as he made his way to the cafe. He was young, he was brash, and he'd just gotten a contract signed with one of the premier firms in the country._

_"Oji-san, I did it!" He crowed triumphantly as he ran into the room. The middle-aged gaijin behind the cafe counter paused in the process of refilling the pastry counter. "I got the contract!"_

_"Congratulations, Ryuichi-kun." The man smiled at his young friend as the twenty year old bounced excitedly. "I'm sure you'll make an excellent attorney."_

_The twenty year old beamed, he was well known in the international world of law to be something of a prodigy, then again, Sakuma Ryuichi had made his name in many circles. Which brought to mind another boy, around the same age as Ryuichi, Seguchi Tohma was just as well known in many of the same circles that Ryuichi traversed._

_"Oh, Ryuichi-kun," The older man said, his mind straying to the same afore mentioned boy. "Tohma-kun dropped by earlier, he said that he'd made a 'discovery,' and that you should really drop by the cafe later tonight."_

_If anything, the young man brightened even more at the mention of his friend. The American watched the boy's triumphant smile, and echoed it with a smaller, proud smile of his own, though a hint of worry remained in the man's eyes._

_"What are you going to do if Tohma's found your 'last piece'?" He asked quietly. "Especially with that contract signed."_

_Ryuichi's eyes were bright and innocent, despite the calculating tone that the young man unconsciously took._

_"I wouldn't sign a contract that I couldn't get out of." Ryuichi smiled brightly at the older man and turned, ready to leave. He paused at the door, and turned around. "Oh! Before I forget, how's Kei-kun?"_

_"He's dealing."_

_Ryuichi's eyes were sad as he took in the older man's obvious sadness. His voice, however, was velvet steel._

_"It was his decision, Winchester-san. He just forgot the the consequences are not only his own."_


	4. Chaptitre Trois

Woah, man. It's still alive, and it should start going after this. Theoretically. :P

**Ryuichi  
**

* * *

"Roo-jii! Don't gooooo!" The four year old sniffled and looked up at her "uncle" with teary eyes. With a warm smile, Ryuichi dropped into a squat in front of her.

"Hey Shelly, don't cry. Look your big brother isn't crying, your mommy isn't crying, and," With a bit of a flourish, and sleight of hand, he produced a red carnation from behind her ear. "I can't give a flower to someone who's crying, right?"

The girl's eyes brightened. "Wahh! Roo-jii is awesome!"

Michelle Montgomery held on to her flower and smiled at her mommy's friend, forgetting—in the moment—that Ryuichi would be leaving for Japan; she would not be seeing him every day anymore. Ryuichi winked at someone behind her, and she spun around and squeaked when Michael, who she called J.J. (no one knew why she called K's child J.J., as there were no 'J's in his name), pounced on her, and distracted her by tickling her mercilessly. (Chris, Michelle's older brother, merely settled for rolling his eyes and watching them as the adults exchanged their own good byes.) Ryuichi flashed the boy a grateful smile, then turned to Judy Winchester (Claude's wife) and Alicia.

"I'll drop by for a visit next year." Catching sight of their slightly dejected looks, he flashed them a bright smile. "Cheer up, it's not like Tohma can keep me there forever."

It was not a lie, but it was not quite truth either. With a smile, Ryuichi waved at them, then boarded the plane, Claude following behind him after his wife gave him a cursory kiss on the cheek. With a sigh at the drama that she could never seem to separate from, Alicia let a light smile break upon her face, her observation crystalizing in the air.

"He loves him so much that he can't love anymore."

"Amazing, isn't it, how an emotion as trite as love can cause the best of us to fall apart." Judy said as she rejoined her, the bitterness in her tone making it obvious that she was not speaking only of Ryuichi. With a shake of her head, the glamorous superstar reached into her purse and withdrew a pair of sunglasses.

"Michael," She called to the giggling mass of children. "Come on, I still need to bring you and the Montgomery's to school."

"Aw, but mum, we wanted to watch Ryuichi-san's plane take off!"

Judy couldn't help but smile at her son's perfect English accent. "Fine," she conceded. "But as soon as it's in the air, we're leaving."

Alicia shot her friend a grateful look as the children began gathering.

"Thanks, Judy; my lunch break ended a few minutes ago."

"It's no problem, as long as you remember to pick Michael up."

Alicia nodded, then turned to say good bye to her children, like Judy, she had to stifle a laugh when she saw Chris berating Michael for getting himself so messed up. The eight year old was tugging wrinkles out of Michael's shirt, straightening the boy's tie, and adjusting his vest—and Michelle was just standing in the corner, her finger in her mouth, looking completely immaculate, her shoulder length hair clipped back, and her jumper falling perfectly to her knees.

"I'm almost afraid of what they'll be when they grow up."

"What?" Judy flashed her a smile as the kids made their way to them. "Don't think you can handle the drama?"

Alicia laughed and slapped the other woman lightly on the arm, falling into an easy conversation with her. Laughing, the two did not pay much attention their children watching the aircraft as it made its way to the runway, then lifted up into the skies.

On the plane, however, there was no merriment from either of the men. Claude was sulking at the fact that no amount of bribery had convinced the management that he needed his firearm on hand, and Ryuichi was merely ignoring the older man. Claude, however, was not one to be ignored. As soon as they were cleared to traverse the cabin, he exited his suite to hover in the entrance of Ryuichi's. The brunette was focused; completely intent on the work he was accomplishing. It was a treat to see such seriousness in a man who cultivated a childish personality centered on a pink plushie. 

"Hey," Claude muttered, glancing at the brunette who was printing something from his laptop via his portable printer. "What are you doing?"

"Does it matter, Kei?" Ryuichi's voice was cold. "I'm returning to heartbreak. The least you can do is leave me the last peace I will find."

Claude knew it was a bad idea as soon as he found himself snickering; he and Ryuichi could barely be civil to each other for more than a minute. To his credit, Ryuichi took no offense. Instead, the singer-turned-lyricist-turned-singer laughed, a free Claude had not heard since before... Before the Uesagi's. Their shared laughter hid the unspoken thought.

'_I can't believe that dramatic shit like that sells best.'_

Unaware of their shared thought, Claude let himself relax; he knew better than to imagine that the peace would last. Instinct and training encouraged him to sleep, re-energize, and prepare for what tomorrow would bring. Besides, they were flying first class; luxury was meant to be enjoyed. In stark contrast, one suite over, Ryuichi's eyes were focused on the monitor before him, fingers flying across the keys. His work was his last haven, and this was all he had left before tending to long-festering wounds. The last phrase slipped from his fingers, and he stared blankly at the monitor. A harsh laugh slipped from his throat when he recognized the line.

"Why do I have such a fucking predilection for you, Tohma?"


End file.
